i think my mom watched the whole time
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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