The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
