I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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