I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
