who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
