apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
