how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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