My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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