if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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