What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
