idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
