My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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