I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
