This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
