my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize