Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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