i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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