im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
