just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
