i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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