I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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