Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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