so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
