420 ftw
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
