There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my sisters under your porch take her home
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
