If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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