I must be too annoying 4 u.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
