is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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