he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
