Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
