I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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