Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
