okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
