is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
