dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
