Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
