Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Even the bartender felt bad for me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
