she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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