I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
