only if we run a train.
done.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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