My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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