we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
pop tarts are not kleenex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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