In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
