we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
