you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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