he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
