im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
