so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
