Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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