Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
