There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize