so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
