Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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