I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
