So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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