Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
