Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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